Coffee Talk

I was just voted in as the senior pastor of a small church in Longview, Washington, in the Pacific Northwest. I had already worked as the associate pastor at this same church for a few years. Now, of course, I was excited to be the lead pastor, and I threw myself into this new position with great gusto.

There was an older couple named Don and Aubrey in the church who came from the “old school” as they called it. By “old school” they meant several things. They were suspicious of anything that they perceived as new; they didn’t like the new worship songs that my music minister and I brought to the church; they didn’t understand why sermons had to be “tape recorded”; they didn’t like the use of any other Bible in church services but the King James Version, and they certainly were not keen on this young, upstart preacher.

It’s Just Wrong
When the topic of divorce and remarriage came up in the church, they were quite vocal about their opinions. Their position was, “It’s just wrong.” No amount of explanations about certain situations that Moses, Paul, or even Jesus addressed helped them see that there had to be more to a biblical view of divorce and remarriage than simply, “It’s just wrong.”

Once the subject of divorce and remarriage had come up, Don and Aubrey seemed to steer nearly every conversation back to this subject so they could voice their opinions about it. One Sunday after church, a few of us went to lunch. People were talking about everything from the food they had ordered to the Seattle Seahawks’ chances (or lack thereof) to have a good season that year. But, true to their hobbyhorse, Don and Aubrey brought up the topics of divorce and remarriage, and then they proceeded to explain to the people at their end of the table how, “Pastor Rick is young and doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Divorce and remarriage are simply wrong, all the time, and people shouldn’t do it, period.”

Divorce, Candy, and Rat Poison
I listened to them for awhile as they insisted that divorce and remarriage should simply never happen and when it does, it is always sin. Then I asked them a few questions:

“Don and Aubrey, I have a few questions for you,” I said.

“Okay, shoot,” said Don.

“You have two grown children, right?” I asked.

“Yes,” said Aubrey. “Two boys.”

“Well, tell me. Did you ever allow your boys to eat rat poison?” I asked.

“What!?” Aubrey was shocked.

“Rat poison,” I repeated. “Did you ever allow your kids to eat rat poison?”

They were visibly upset at my odd question. Don became defensive and spoke up:

“Of course not! What kind of a stupid question is that?” he demanded.

I went on:

“Well, did you ever allow your kids to eat candy?”

They both hesitated, and then Aubrey said:

“Well, yes, of course, occasionally.”

“Did you allow your kids to eat candy right before dinnertime?” I asked.

“No,” Aubrey said, still defensive.

“Why not?” I asked.

“I didn’t want them to ruin their appetite before dinner,” she answered.

“Well, if it wasn’t near dinnertime, did you allow them to go ahead and eat all of the candy they wanted?” I asked.

“No!” Aubrey said. “I allowed them to eat a little, only in reasonable amounts.”

“So, why didn’t you allow your kids to eat rat poison in little, reasonable amounts?” I asked.

“Because that would be stupid and it could kill them. There are no little, reasonable amounts of rat poison that you can feed a child,” Don answered, still angry.

“So, let me get this straight,” I said, “you regulated how much candy your kids could eat, but you did not regulate how much rat poison they could eat; you just forbade the rat poison altogether?”

They thought for a moment and then Don answered:

“That’s right. We regulated the amount of candy they could have, but we would never even consider allowing them to eat even an ounce of rat poison. Candy is OK in some cases, but rat poison never is.”

To this I said:

“You do not regulate something you forbid. You just forbid it. Once it is forbidden, it is utterly off limits.”

Don agreed and said:

“Right. It’s forbidden, so it’s out of the question.”

Then I said:

“So if divorce and remarriage are simply forbidden as you say it is, why do you suppose God regulates them throughout the Bible?”

Neither wanted to answer my question because the “trap had been sprung” on them. So, I answered it for them:

“Because, He does not simply forbid divorce and remarriage,” I said.

Moses Regulated Divorce and Remarriage

Though we will deal with these passages more in depth later, we shall now investigate some Scriptures that show that God does not forbid divorce; rather, He regulates it.

If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man (remarriage), and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance (emphasis mine, Deuteronomy 24:1-4).

Given the impassioned rhetoric about this topic by many Christians today, this passage is striking in its noticeable lack of emotion. This passage talks about divorce and remarriage in a nonchalant and disimpassioned tone. Neither divorce nor remarriage is forbidden in this passage. The only thing that is forbidden in this passage is a remarriage between the wife and her first husband after she has been married to a second man who either divorces her or who dies.

It is important, however, to make clear that the Bible does not encourage divorce. Likewise, this specific passage does not encourage it. But, it does clearly regulate it.

Jesus Regulated Divorce and Remarriage

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery” (emphasis mine, Matthew 19:3-9).

In this very telling passage, Jesus clears up some confused thinking that was common in His day. The Pharisees, and even His own disciples, were under the mistaken impression that Moses—and thus by extension God Himself—had commanded men to divorce their wives under certain conditions. To their confused minds, it was a “religious duty” to divorce their wives under certain circumstances. Jesus clears up this confusion and says that Moses never commanded divorce; he only permitted it. Why had he permitted it? Because of the hardness of men’s hearts. So, while God does not want people to divorce nor does He command them to do so, He does allow divorce under certain conditions. Jesus Himself regulates divorce and remarriage in this passage when he says, “except for marital unfaithfulness.” In other words He says that divorce and remarriage are permissible—not commanded—when there has been “marital unfaithfulness,” i.e., adultery.

Paul Regulated Divorce and Remarriage

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace (1 Corinthians 7:10-15).

Paul’s words are so clear here that they hardly need a commentary of explanation. However, because this passage has been abused by some interpreters, we shall review the facts herein.

In verses 10 and 11 the context is set, and it is clearly about divorce. Paul says that “A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried” (v. 11)—unmarried in this context is clearly “divorced.” It is simple logic that a woman cannot be married to a man and unmarried at the same time. So, if Paul says that she is to remain “unmarried,” it is simply another way of saying that she is “divorced” and she is to remain single.

Then, Paul states in verses 12 and 13 that if a Christian is married to a non-Christian and the non-Christian does not want a divorce, the believer must not divorce him or her.

However, in verse 15, Paul goes on to say that if the non-Christian spouse wishes to leave (the context is divorce), the Christian spouse is to allow the person to do so. In such circumstances, the Christian is not “bound” to the marriage.

Misunderstanding Paul

Not all agree with my comments about Paul’s words in this passage. Some have attempted to say that Paul does not allow for divorce in verse 15.

Note that Paul does not use the word “divorce” in verse 15. He says rather, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so.” Some suggest that something less than divorce is meant here. Two quick points need to be made.

First, arguably the most basic rule of interpretation is investigating verses in their context. The context of this passage is clearly about the issue of divorce. Paul was addressing this issue because the Corinthian Christians had asked him specifically about divorce. Thus, it is clear from the context that when Paul says that “if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so,” he is talking about divorce.

Second, if we were to concede that Paul was not talking about divorce in verse 15—and we do not—it would not erase the fact that Moses and Jesus do regulate divorce.

One author attempted to convince his readers that Paul was not allowing for actual divorce. When he finished his argument, he concluded with these words: “Therefore, God does not allow for divorce.”

The obvious problem with his conclusion is threefold: (1) His conclusion was based upon only one passage; (2) His interpretation of that one passage was highly questionable; (3) Most importantly, however, was the fact that his conclusion flatly contradicted the teachings of Moses and Jesus on this topic.

The author’s conclusion would have been less objectionable had he stated: “Therefore, in this particular situation Paul does not allow for divorce.” I think that this would still be an erroneous conclusion; nonetheless, it would have been better for the author to ascribe the lack of allowance for divorce only to Paul’s teaching within this very narrow context.

Another principle of biblical interpretation is that we cannot accept one passage to the exclusion of another. Even if Paul had never given any allowance for divorce and remarriage, this would not undo the prior teachings of both Moses and Jesus. It would mean only that Paul did not address the same conditions under which Moses and Jesus allowed for divorce and remarriage.

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